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It was the night
before Christmas Eve, and we were about to have a loud visitor. Squalls and windstorms preceded the
snow, and I stood at our stove stirring the pasta noodles, veggies, and sauce together
for our dinner. Cross-legged,
silently blinking at the television set, Faye waited patiently as she watched
the movie we had put on. I wondered
at her choice, but for all the darkness in The Abyss it was her
favorite, and if you stuck through to the end... then again, I didn't wonder at
the choice. Besides, the best line
in movie history came from that movie: "Virgil, you wiener!"
It was well past that
point now, as I listened to the dialogue.
It was getting up to the end, right now beginning Ed Harrison's deep
dive. I heard the line,
"Little Geek just folded!" come from the television, and then all the
sound stopped. I knew what she was
doing; her favorite part was coming up, and she wasn't going to let it play
while I was still cooking. She
wanted me there. I poked at the
stir-fry with my tongs and shuffled the pan over the heat a few more times
before switching it off.
Halfway into the
living room with two plates, I smiled at her as she sat lit up by the glow of
the paused movie. The glow died,
the refrigerator's hum ceased, and all of the Christmas lights went dark. I let out a hiss and began to pick a
slow path across the living room and found the coffee table with my toe,
setting the dishes down before her.
"Stay. I'll get a
flashlight."
"Check the
dogs," she breathed. Her voice
was weak, and I recognized it as the one she would get on the verge of
tears. I asked if she was okay, and
she simply replied, "Stupid wind."
I nodded, feeling my
way back into the kitchen and opening the cupboard beneath the sink. I glanced out the kitchen window to the
complex of dog houses in the back yard, counting one dog in each, lit by a moon
that had not yet been blotted out by clouds. They each lay staring balefully out at
the wind with the same face I'm certain Faye was wearing. They were okay other than being just as
perturbed at the weather as their mother.
I switched on the flashlight and started back into the living room,
opening the utensil drawer when I realized we needed forks.
It was then, when I
closed the drawer that I stood for a moment looking at the one below it. Remembering what was in it, I slid it
open and looked at the contents, a smile passing over my lips. "Well, heck, use them for what
they're used for," I murmured to myself.
I walked into the
living room, setting the forks down beside our plates and sat down next to her
on the floor. Without saying
anything, I leaned forward and placed a very familiar candle on the table, and
then turned to pick up the lighter I had lain next to me. She shot her hand out and touched my
shoulder. "Conor, that's one
of the wedding candles!" she whispered with an urgent breath.
"I know," I
said, flicking the lighter. A look
of shock passed over her face as she watched me touch the flame to the
wick. "I really think we were
just saving them for the right moment.
This is it."
"We have a
flashlight," she said.
"Unless you forgot how to use that thing in your hands, you don't
need to ruin--"
She stopped as I
brought out the second candle and lit it from the first. "Your movie was interrupted,"
I said, setting the second one down next to its partner. "And I don't remember the speech. I just remember what she was talking
about." I put my arm around
her shoulders and turned her horrified face away from the dripping wax. "I know they're beautiful. They're us."
She battled with the
horror for another couple of seconds before her eyes welled up with tears and
she sobbed, "Oh God, I love you Conor."
"I love
you," I said, smiling as I pressed her close to me. "Wife."
She hadn't talked
since she put her arm around me.
She just lay there, running her hand around my back between my
shoulders, humming Christmas carols.
My eyes were closed, humming God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen along
with her. Kelly was off checking on
other patients, while Doctor Lenard was whispering to another man who had just
shown up at the doorway to the room.
He had smiled at me a moment, and then turned to Doctor Lenard, who was
leaning close and using his clipboard to try to block any echo.
After a few minutes,
I realized she was just constantly repeating the song over and over, when
before she was switching between carols.
Her hand had slowed almost to a stop, and her fingers were just playing
over the fabric of my shirt. I
sensed the pair at the door had grown still, and heard Kelly's soft footsteps
approach. Faye's hand clutched my
shirt for a moment, a gentle squeeze, and I searched for her other hand. Clasping it in mine, I moved my face
closer to hers as her humming trailed off.
My insides knotted up, knowing what was happening, but I pushed that
away. I squeezed her hand and put
my lips on her cheek. Her humming
stopped completely, and her hand relaxed in mine. I heard Doctor Lenard shift, and then
heard a pen slowly scratching on the clipboard.
"Jake," he
said, "the heart is priority."
The other man walked
inside, and I felt a hand on my back.
I lifted my head and nodded.
"I need to take her for a few moments," Jake said as I rose. "I'm sorry, I have to be quick."
"Thank
you," I said. "This is
her wish; give anything she can still give."
"Conor, if you
need a moment," Doctor Lenard said.
"It'll take a few minutes to prepare the heart for transport. But if you're going to do this, it needs
to happen now. You've got six hours
max before ischemia sets in and the heart becomes invalid. Can you get through in six hours?"
"This team does
a good eighteen per in good conditions," I said after taking a deep
breath. "If we're blessed with
good conditions all the way through, you're looking at three hours."
"Looks like the
storm's on us in one and a half hours."
"Half our speed
after that." I started to slip
on the undercoat I wore for mushing.
"I get there in four. That's
assuming no other unforeseen events."
Walking out, I
noticed Jake whisper something to Kelly as he glanced my way. I could take a guess, but that didn't
matter right now. "I'll
foresee an event for you. You'll
probably go by way of Route 302.
What's waiting just after Mount Willard?"
"That would be
one of New Hampshire's great testaments to the glory of gravity," I
said. "I'm aware of that, and
so was the state when they put guardrails there."
"Lose your
traction and have physics work in all the wrong ways against you," he
replied, picking up another clipboard from the nurse's desk as we passed,
"and guardrails won't be worth a thing."
"You have the
authority to tell me no," I replied.
"How much trouble is this going to get you into?"
"You are
certified to transport organs," he said. "I verified that. You check out on the mode of
transportation that will carry the heart through. That little brass buckle on your belt
means you've handled some tough travel.
There's no one crazy as you out there in cars or trucks that could
suddenly run you over. Here's one
thing that could cause trouble: if you get yourself in deep out there and the
state has to save your rear-end, you're going to find yourself with a severe
case of financial epistaxis."
"What?"
"You'll be
paying through the nose," he replied, handing me the clipboard. "The top form states that you
understand the risks, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Conor, you can do this. I'm
not saying they're just windmills.
They're giants. I want to
know that you're aware of how hard those things can hit."
"All I
know," I said, "is that Fate owes me a break."
He nodded. "But it's her choice when she gives
it to you."
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