Into the World Beyond: 2000- Present

I chose to attend classes at New Hampshire College (now Southern New Hampshire University) in Manchester, New Hampshire. I was awarded yearly scholarships in leadership and academic performance, which played a little bit into my decision, but I was also interested in the substance-free Wellness Housing program the school offered, as I planned on staying at the dorms. It was an exciting adventure for me, to spend my first time living independently away from home...

...and then learn how to undo living independently away from home.

I quickly became friends with most of the other students in my dorm. When I first came into the dorm, the school's own councilor thought I should explain my Asperger's Syndrome openly to the other students, but I didn't feel comfortable just announcing it; it seemed too much like I'd announce it the way someone announces an addiction at a support group. I felt like people should know me for me. When I set up an AIM account to chat with the rest of the floor, I posted a link to the early version of this site in my profile, and some of the students looked. I felt better if it was passively revealed to whoever was curious.

Because of my high math scores on my SAT's, I was assigned to an advanced placement algebra class instead of the normal algebra refresher that students regularly got as a pre-assigned course. For the first few months I tried my best to follow the class but found the pace too much for me, so I asked to be transferred to the normal class, to better effect. When I applied for the school, my idea had been to go into business management, but after the first year, I settled on Information Technology.

The school began to transition to university status over the summer of 2001, and I returned for my third year of classes. I was beginning to feel more open and more hopeful. I was doing well in my studies, and eager for another year. The first Tuesday after classes began, my mother woke me with a phone call around 9:00 AM. I was half awake when she told me something was going on, and I remember picturing her news in my mind: "They're attacking the World Trade Center." People say they remember what they were doing and where they are and all of that. For the first groggy moments of the morning, I stood with bed-matted hair picturing something out of the first Die Hard movie. That's what I remember.

Another thing I remember is the aftermath. The closest I got to worrying was that I knew my brother was in New York, but upstate. The first thing to return to me were the phobias, and to this day I hold deepest resentment to all 24-hour news networks for their constant barrage of new and frightening theories about the next big attack. I eventually learned to ignore or outright laugh at them, but in my attempt to shut out all of the new talk, I shut myself in. I can't say much about that time, but by December I was ready to burst through the walls, and the previous three months seemed less like a regression and more like the water receding from the shore just before a tidal wave.

From the very beginning at the school, I entered into the drama club and ended up in performances of Spoon River Anthology and You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown (playing Charlie Brown in an otherwise all-girl cast) in my first two years. I joined the chorus in 2001, and went on in 2002 to play in a third production. I tried to attend any campus events I could, and almost always went down to karaoke night if it was happening. I studied out in the common area of the dorm. I did my best to get out.

I kept up with my studies as well, finding most of my courses engaging enough to keep busy and focused. In many of my group projects, the other members of my group often tended to give the lead to me without any suggestion on my part, which often led me to be extremely confident in my work. I had some problems in 2003, mostly from the pressure of a genuine senior project. I remember it as my first ever true nervous breakdown, as I sat in front of a computer trying to code Visual Basic integrating a database and kept getting an error code pretty much at the eleventh hour. I forget exactly what the error was, but whatever it said I was staring at it completely in tears until I started laughing and alternating between the two for a good half hour thereafter.

I don't program any more.

I survived and the group managed to buckle down and get our project completed with a higher grade than we were expecting. In my state at the end, I will say this: it was the group's accomplishment, and I'm glad I realized my limitations as far as programming goes. I graduated that May, magna cum laude and walked out from college straight into...

Stacking mailings for Disabled Veterans of America on pallets.

It's frustrating for anyone to go through, learning disability or none, when the job search begins. I went with a temp agency for an entire year, spending most of that time working with Pep Direct in Wilton, stacking the afforementioned pallets. Meanwhile, I was off to interviews in Plymouth, western Massachussetts, anywhere I could find an opening. I made a mistake when the chances for internships came up, and turned them down because they were unpaid. Obviously, the company gets free work from you, but they return the favor with recommendations or even better, a position within their own organization. Just about every rejection I received from companies I interviewed with used the excuse that I didn't have the experience they were looking for.

As it stood, I began a volunteership with the Area Agency of Greater Nashua (now called Gateways) to pass the time, get used to a regular job schedule, and gain that experience interviewers were so determined I needed. I began working at a help desk for General Dynamics, my father's old employer, in 2004. Even then, I was still a contractor through a placement agency called Volt, working with the company that General Dynamics outsourced its IT services to, CSC. For over a year, CSC could have dropped my contract with Volt, or General Dynamics could have dropped its contract with CSC. It was a matter of luck, timing, and alertness that got me brought on full-time to CSC in 2005, and then again fully into GD in 2008.

After being brought on full-time to CSC, I worked on moving out of my family's home, especially since my parents were getting ready to move up to Littleton, New Hampshire. By September of 2007, I had found my condo and moved in. Since then I've experienced my ups and downs with the place, but it's been a great experience for the most part. As I've become more financially secure I've been able to invest in braces and improvements to the home.

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So...

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